June 02, 2014

things to remember when you're prepping to birth a baby

so...at some point in time all you fine gals will probably have a baby. or maybe you won't. but you probably will.

since i'm practically an expert in this department (i've had one), i thought it might be fun to share my top 10 tips for preparing for baby and once baby arrives.

allow me to preface this:

this list is a list of opinions, not advice. think about it. don't think about it. i don't care. but above all, if you have something mean to say regarding it...keep it to yourself. sticks and stones break bones...and words can hurt too. plus i'll talk bad about you.

let's talk about it. when you're getting ready to have a baby...shoot...after you've had the baby, people do not hesitate for a moment to give you advice or tell you all about their experience. 

i'm the very very very worst at this. i find myself spewing my stories to anyone who will listen at the drop of a hat and only reflect after the fact that...perhaps, they didn't want to hear about the two inch hole in the side of my boob because of breast feeding. perhaps.

regardless...i have some words to share that i hope to remember the next time i have a baby.
1 | my friend said it best: epidural or no epidural...a baby is coming out of there. don't sweat the small stuff. because in hindsight...whether or not you got the epidural or stuck to a "birth plan" is a hell of a lot more trivial than raising a happy, healthy baby.

2 | in the hospital, if your postpartum nurse is worth her salt, she will give you an icepack. put that sucker on your vag for like...ever. or at least until it melts or isn't cold anymore. then ask for another one. and another one. and then seven after that. 

3 | you will most definitely be scared to go #2 after pushing your little miracle out for at least a few days. that's okay. while you're on the toilet...talk to yourself. positive accolades. anything you can do to relax will help this process. 

4 | you're probably going to have to wear pads for like...at least a week. maybe two. maybe more. this sucks oh so much. my only regret is that i didn't take more of the giant pads and those super-sexy, mesh panties home with me. 

5 | thoroughly get to know your infant carseat like it's your very very best friend. because if you take it into the hospital to have them inspect it and the straps are tangled...they are going to look at you/question whether or not you should be taking your two-day old home. not a good feeling and a lot of nervous laughter.
6 | when you get home, expect to be sitting on your fanny for at least a month, probably more. you know what, sit down as much as you possibly can. because once that kid starts crawling, you're not going to sit down for years.

7 | when kaye was a newborn my biggest fear as a new mom was that i wasn't stimulating/educating/playing with/whatever with her enough. what the eff-word was i thinking? those first few months are optimal time to read 40-hundred books and watch as much trash tv as possible. because guess what...your baby will be sleeping. probably on you. i just hope, for your sake, a new season of RHNJ is starting up...or a marathon of some sort.
8 | try to bribe, pay, coheres someone into cleaning your house for you. like...the stuff you hate. bathrooms, windows...that sort of thing. because you'll be busy with your new muffin and STILL have to do the floors, dishes, counters, dusting, etc. and it's not like you'll never wash the windows again. this is prime-time to talk someone else into it. 

9 | you will never feel so passionately about (fill in the blank). for me it was kaye's sleeping and eating. farmer and i never disagreed on anything more (except for maybe that pocket door he insisted on in our bathroom). i was absolutely obsessed with her eating and sleeping. if someone tried to eff with that process...well...you could count on me irrationally (or rationally sometimes) projecting anger your way. so whether you're passionate about diaper changes or the clothes they wear, you'll eventually calm down a little...or a lot. and then replace it with new stuff to be crazy about. 

so husbands...just deal. your gal will return to a lesser form of crazy soon enough. 

laides...own your craziness. 
10 | last but certainly not least...take care of yourself. a lot of people told me to, "sleep when the baby sleeps." i say, "eff that noise." when kaye would take her 20 minute naps as a newborn i certainly wasn't going to waste those precious minutes on shuteye. i mean, if that's your thing, then do it. but for me it was much more healing to do stuff without a baby in my arms. like make a sandwich. maybe take a shower and put some earrings on. shoot...i may have even put on real clothes once or twice. 

what i'm saying is...make sure you get some time to yourself to reset. it's good for the soul. plus you'll be that much more excited to kiss your sweet muffin's face off. 

happy monday friends!


  1. Having a baby due in August (and being completely terrified!) I'll take any tips offered. Kaye is adorable! I'm most excited to snuggle a cute little newborn :)

  2. No little muffins for me yet, but definitely hoping for some in the future. Thank you for these awesome (and funny) tips!

  3. I love these tips and I completely agree with you on number 10 - I always took naptime to do my things and I always felt awesome afterwards.

  4. Oh my gosh, yes to all of this! Especially about being slightly obsessive over things. My MIL shoved some whip cream in Liam's mouth before we had started solids (virgin gut & all), and I cried over it! Oh my!

  5. I love this post! Especially the last one and the one about obsessing over certain things...for me it was my little girl's sleep/nap/awake schedule...DO NOT MESS WITH IT!!! ha! And man...naptimes are a mix of things for me even now...should I sit and just rest, or should I take advantage of that time to get LOADS accomplished?!?

  6. Expecting baby #1 in October. Love the tips and your humor in them!

    xo Christina

  7. A-MAZING advice. And so true. Where was this list over a year ago? :)

    My best friend who had a baby a few years before me stole all the giant pads and mesh panties during labor and stock-piled them for me. I think I still have a pair of the mesh undies stashed away in my bathroom (for a rainy day of course). That's true friendship right there.

  8. since i have 0 experience I have t say all of this is sound advice! and the not sweating the small stuff is just good ole life advice!

  9. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Being a farmer's wife...and due with our first child at the end of September I am already worried about how the cooking, cleaning, my own hygiene :) how it will all get done! I enjoy these post so maybe I won't forget some of the little stuff!

  10. 7,8,9 AMEN.

    I didn't poop for over a week after I had Abigail. And I sat on the toilet and cried and cried before I finally did. It was horrible. Talk about traumatic!

    Also, hamburger nipples. But, promise, they'll heal.

  11. excellent list from start to finish. those mesh panties are the bee's knees. all things i made sure to steal the lot of the second time around.

  12. This all sounds like great advice to me... although I have 0 babies haha

  13. Agree with all of these, but especially #10! I was just like you, waiting for those naps so I could take a shower, stuff my face or do whatever else I had the time to sneak in. I was not interested in sleeping away those precious minutes. Ps: I think I need to hear this 'hole in the boob' story asap!

  14. Oooo this is awesome advice! #7 my goodness you are so right. I could have read so many books and watched so much shows on Netflix instead I was wondering what his aversion was to napping in a crib, guess mommy does make the best pillow. If only I knew I had it made.

  15. Ooooh this post is hilarious and definitely gave me some good tips for the years down the road when a little babe comes. Mental note= ice pack.

  16. My nurse never gave me ice packs for my vagina! I rarely even took medicine while I was in the hospital. I thought the less I complain, the sooner I get out! Which was true, but I felt like crap after stepping foot in to my home! & those mesh undies & HUGE pads were the best! :P


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