May 10, 2014

confessions of a farmer's wife…that's me

i'm taking over today's confessional because i can do stuff like that.
actually…it's because i'm guest posting over on The Daily Tay. i thought that if The Daily Tay readers pop over here and see something from me, it might entice them to stick around a little longer. yes?

so, sticking with the confessional theme…i'm bringing the heat and spilling some more secrets.

as always, if any of you fine gals have a confessional list or confessional story you want to share here on September FARM just shoot me an e-mail and we'll get you scheduled to take over on a saturday coming up very soon!

one more order of business - in all the excitement of taking over The Daily Tay today…i'm offering 30% off all my ad spots. that's fun! just enter the code TAY30 and you're all set.

now…for the confessions -

1 | i like to watch the biggest loser on my iPad while i run on the treadmill. i find their sweat very motivating…plus i know i'm not working as hard as they are and that makes me feel a little better about the pain i'm enduring.

2 | sometimes (more often than i would like to admit) i read my own blog posts. i laugh and smile and nod my head…because i'm pretty funny. seriously…i think i'm my blog's biggest fan.

3 | i have a draft post written all about my stripper roommate in college and how i ended up at a strip club with my high school teacher. it's a doozy. i can't wait for the perfect moment to post it.

4 | i find cats terribly disgusting. i think it's the hairballs they cough up. the way they clean themselves. how smug they look all the time. they just seem bitchy…and i'm not into that.

5 | when i was 12-ish i was convinced i'd make it to london at some point in time and make prince william fall in love with me. it could happen…

6 | maybe that's when my inflated self-esteem began and drove me to be in a pageant almost 10 years later.
7 | one time when my farmer and i were still boyfriend and girlfriend i broke up with him over the phone. that night (around 1 am) i drove over an hour to the farm and snuck into his house. i scared the sh*t out of him and still managed to talk him into getting back together with me.
8 | we found another mouse this morning. it was at the foot of the stairs hunched over. i was carrying kaye in my arms and when i saw it, screamed, and immediately ran up the stairs to notify our farmer. he was home in less than five minutes. upon arrival, there was that mouse. all hunched over in the same exact spot. was it dead? was it asleep? my farmer trapped it with a box and carried it outside to one of our fields. all of a sudden we're super humane. when he released it, it just stood there and shook some more. my theory? it ate all the peanut butter on the traps and clearly had an allergic reaction. he's as good as dead without an epi pen or something.

9 | my hair breaks off in chunks every few years. it's very concerning. it just did it again recently so i bought clip-in extensions. i had them dyed, blended and everything. i feel fancy when i wear them. they freak my farmer out.
10 | i freak a little (in a very good way) every time my blog gets an ad sale. i immediately text or call my farmer to let him know that yes, i too can bring in some mula. granted, at this point, i spend more on my blog than what is actually coming in…but i see it as an investment, right? they day my blog is in the green is the day my farmer is going to eat his words, kiss my feet, and ask for forgiveness for making fun of me for thee + years.

and because i love you. because i feel like we're all friends. because i appreciate each and every person that reads my blog or leaves a comment or thinks about clicking one of the many links i post…get yourself entered to win a $20 starbucks gift card.

please think of me fondly each time you're sipping your glorious iced latte, whole milk, easy on the ice.


  1. Cats definitely are super smug creatures and I think nature may be getting back at you. You hate cats but you have mice in your home. I think it might be time to find yourself a cat ;)


  2. You're gonna have to give number 7 a post of its own with all the funny cray cray deets!! haha! Always love your confessions!

  3. #2 cracked me up because I do the exact same thing. There's nothing better than thinking you're hilarious. If you can't make yourself laugh, what's it all worth?

  4. Great to meet you, and thanks for Tay for allowing me to meet you. I'm so impressed that you workout to The Biggest Loser! Usually I watch it and eat pizza. It's like I'm taunting them with the glorious doughy cheesy triangular bliss that it is.

  5. That is really weird about the chunks of hair failing out. Have you looked into why? Idk what I would do if that happened to me.
    Thanks for giving us a chance for some good ol s-bucks! Love their caramel fraps.

  6. #7 is hilarious! Shouldn't he have drove to you ;) and #2, you are right, you are hilarious! Your blog always makes me laugh

  7. Okay, I just had to go and read your pageant post, which was hilarious. I think I too can suffer from excessive self-esteem and more than once I've re-read something of mine, and been like, "you know that was a good blog post." I'd love to read the post about your stripper roommate...

  8. I can't wait to read your post about your stripper roommate when you post it. I laughed just thinking about it. These mice need to leave you alone. They are going to give you a heart attack on of these days. Ha ha. Farmer is so sweet to come home immediately and take care of it. He's a keeper!

  9. Bahaha! I'm so happy to have found you blog! Looking forward to your post about how you ended up at a strip club with your high school teacher?!

  10. is your hair just breaking off or is it actually falling out? do you color? that would totally freak me out too. also, i really think you need to explain #7 further in a post of its own ;)

    jenn @ hello, rigby!

  11. love #2! sometimes I totally agree with myself when I read my posts too :) hope you had a happy mother's day!

  12. This was a fun confessional! I'm glad I got hooked up with you & your blog recently & look forward to sticking around! :)

  13. Ok so I can totally see you sitting on your fancy farm couch, coffee mug in hand, re-reading your posts, tipping your head back and laughing away at your wit and humor. And girl, you broke up with your farmer and then went back to him the same night? Have you ever heard of make him squirm? But evidently it worked and I'm glad because who else would fight your mouse problem?

  14. I can't wait to read the stripper story, it sounds like it'll be hilarious!

  15. I just discovered your blog through The Daily Tay and I have to tell you that you are so hilarious! I can say that I am only 50/50 on kids but your baby is like super ridiculously cute. The way you talk about her is hilarious but also so charming and sweet. Also on a side note if you could give an estimate of how many other farmers in your area look like your farmer then I would be happy to move to whatever charming town you are in! :)

  16. these are awesome! i think you need to post the stripper story - sounds funny!

  17. Hahah I read my posts too...cause I know maybe one other person reads it. But yes, I think I'm that witty & cleaver myself... we recently had mice in our house. I found a dead one underneath the basement couch. I might have had a small heart attack, but was relieved he had already passed.

  18. I have just installed iStripper, so I can have the sexiest virtual strippers on my desktop.


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