December 13, 2012

boobs are a pretty hot topic on the farm

and by "hot" i mean it's all i think about these days.

 "my tas are huge"

 "my tas hurt."

 "my tas need to feed kaye."

 "my tas feel funny."

 "i need to take my tas to the doctor..."

 and that's where we are right now.

i have no clue what the hardest part about this whole pregnancy/parenting journey has been so far, but it certainly wasn't the pushing her out. it also seems like each new adventure we encounter seems like the hardest thing i've ever done.

so right now i'm very focused on this breast feeding thing. people...breast feeding is freaking hard. at least for me it has been.

there's the first two week period when you're pretty positive your nips are going to fall right off. and if they don't fall off your bebe is going to suck them off.

there's the constant rubbing of nip cream on them. then they recommend you let the nip cream air dry so you're walking around naked from the waist up constantly. that sucks. trust me...this is in no way attractive or sexual or awesome for my farmer. in fact...i feel really bad for him.

but then magically, just like that, your nips stop hurting and you think, "boom...i've totally got this. i'm practically a professional."

this is where i was very very wrong. i lived in about a week and a half of this blissful state of mind.

pump the brakes on the "bliss-train." i developed what we all assumed was a clogged duct. i got the fever. i got the chills. i got the painful ta. i got the antibiotics. i started the massaging. i nursed in every position imaginable. i called the doctor nothing shy of 20 times.

as it turns out, it was NOT a clogged duct. it was NOT mastitis. it's something called a golactocele. what's a golactocele? click here.

what can you do for a golactocele? 100% nothing. and it's painful. and it hurts. and it's painful. and it's all i can think about.

so now i'm riddled with the decision of:

1. continue to nurse and deal with the pain. or...

2. have it drained on a regular basis only to run the risk of introducing bacteria which could cause a nasty infection which could mean removal of milk duct and force me to stop nursing.

3. stop nursing altogether which will cause my body to absorb the milk in the golactocele. i'll still have the cyst, but at least it won't be painful. ideally then the milk duct would scar up and shut down on its own. this would mean i wouldn't encounter this issue with the next bebe. but at the same time, it might not scar and then i would be guaranteed a golactocele with the next bebe.

bit of a conundrum, wouldn't you say?

so let's make the decision to stop thinking about my tas and start thinking about all the amazingness we get to look forward to:

1. we're going to a FABULOUS holiday party tonight. do you remember last year's party? it was before we had a bebe and before i had to think about who was going to watch my child and before i had to think about how much i could drink. it was fun. read all about it HERE.

2. i'm eagerly looking forward to finishing up my christmas shopping. now that kaye and i have a better schedule established and my farmer has been a saint and let's me go to bed at 9pm so i can bust out a solid five hour stretch of sleep...i'm a lot less of a zombie and a lot more of a bossy mom. this all means i'm feeling more and more like myself and motivated to bust out this christmas shopping business.

speaking of christmas shopping - farmer and i thought we would get a jump start on the christmas shopping a few weeks ago. whilst at our local REI i headed in one direction and farmer took miss kaye to browse. not but five minutes later i set out looking for them and this is what i found...

my bebe laying on a bench while farmer shopped for ski boots. that farmer of mine...he's the best. i laughed pretty hard.

3. we're hosting christmas at the farm! our very first tree!

4. and to top it all off??!! two of the most fabulous people i know are getting MARRIED on new year's eve. this means we get to ring in the new year at a fabulous party, with fabulous friends, and celebrate these two amazing people, shower them with love, and probably make some bad decisions in the process. this will be our first full night away from miss kaye. right now i'm excited...when we drop miss kaye off with my parents i'll probably cry. we'll see how it all shakes out.

aren't they beautiful? aren't they lovely? i 100% cannot wait to celebrate with them.

happy holidays you fine people...i'm going to start prepping for the par-tay tonight. yes, it takes about seven hours to accomplish anything these days.


  1. I feel for you on the boob feeding. Unlike you, I wimped out on it pretty early in. Giving birth was a cake walk all three times, but the thought of going through the pain of breast feeding after giving it a go with my first left me less than thrilled. My formula fed babes turned out happy and healthy as horses just the same. Good luck to you with whatever decision you go with and if you unfortunately do have to give up the breastfeeding, know you gave it a valiant effort and don't have regrets! Happy, healthy babies are number one priority! How they get there is negotiable.

    And enjoy your night out! Everyone needs one every now and again!

  2. Well that does not sound fun! I breastfed my first until a little over a year and plan to do the same with this little one that I am 35wks pregnant with. But it takes such dedication- it is not easy. I didn't deal with anything other that clogged ducts, thank God, but the soreness and engourment are enough to drive you a little crazy sometimes. I used the nipple shields for the first 6 weeks just to get through the pain. Hope things work out for you!

  3. Your absolutely right, breastfeeding is HARD! We got a nipple shield and used it for the first four months and I had no pain! I'm not sure that it would help with what you have though. I'd say to push through it for as long as you can as breastmilk is the best!! :)

  4. Everything about being a mother is hard :(. I had mastitis and my boobs killed. They felt like they were on file. The PA in my ob's office (the doctor was off or something) told me to put cabbage inside my bra to help. So not only was I sleep deprived and disgusting looking, I smelled like cooking cabbage. My poor husband.

    The cabbage did not help by the way.

    Seriously, if you do decide to stop nursing, don't let people make you feel guilty. Some of the La Leches will try to make you feel bad. Don't. Do what is right for you. If you are in pain like crazy, you will be miserable. No one wants a miserable mommy in your house, especially your baby. I did not breast feed after the cabbage incident and my boys were healthy and smart babies. (thank g-d they still are)

    Hang in there sistah!

  5. I'm pretty sure my friend had the same thing happen when she was breast feeding! She said it was really painful, and she had to stop. :( I'm sorry you're going through that! Hope your tas feel better soon!!

  6. mmkay that bebe on a bench made me lol. yeah, breast feeding is dang hard. I lasted 4 months. felt like a lame-o mom when I whipped out the formula in public but I got over it. and my little girl is pretty bomb dot com without mommas boob milk.

  7. Oh goodness, I feel for you!! I had to pump for three months (my little guy apparently didn't like my tatas, but he sure liked the milk). It was the.hardest.thing. Good luck with your decision.
    Found/following you via Running From the Law.
    Would love you to swing by and follow back.

  8. Sounds like a lot of moms have been in the same boat, Karli. I like what Samantha had to say. There are lots of routes to having happy healthy babies. Do what works best for you and your bebe. I lasted about a month before I was pretty sure my breasts were going to explode with pain. Luckily, formula didn't seen to have too poorly of an effect on my girl.

  9. I had such a hard time breast feeding. I ended up pumping. It was a little easier. My son was in the NICU for a month, so nursing after he came home was hard since he was given a bottle/tube fed for a month. Latching was so difficult and no one was happy. You have to do what's best for you!

    Your baby is adorable! Enjoy. My son is 19 months old and every new thing that comes along feels like the hardest thing I've gone through. But totally worth it.

    Found your blog on The Farmer's Wife. Glad I did!


    The Pretty Pinhead

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