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March 16, 2012

farm archives: the mysterious smell

our home sweet trailer
long long ago (three years) i was visiting my farmer on the...farm. i visited the farm quite regularly. it is an hour from the big city (driving like a bat out of hell), so once you're there, you're pretty committed to sticking around.

so as we were working the farm (he was working, i was watching), we popped in and out of the single-wide periodically throughout the day. i had mentioned to him, "sheesh, something is a little bit smelly up in these here parts."

now, my farmer is the sweetest, most generous, most amazing farmer in all the land. but, he's pretty...oh, what's the word?..in denial when it comes to his cleaning techniques. he's kind of like a tornado.

clean clean clean clean clean as fast as he possibly can. shove shove shove. spray spray spray. wipe wipe wipe. done. and while the single-wide wreaks of bleach, you can't exactly classify it as sterile. anyway, back at the farm...
each time i visited, the beloved single-wide was smelling progressively worse and worse. the smell could not be ignored. "what is that smell!" i would ask. my proud farmer would get so defensive of his precious single-wide. i was convinced a 'coon had crawled under something and died. farmer did NOT like my theory. it caused a few fights. he thought i was being OCD and i thought he was dirty. this went on for weeks...even months, until finally...

finally, on a hot day in august, exasperated i yelled, "WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!?!" i couldn't stand it any longer. i freaked. i was determined to find it. in a fit of rage i hunted through the sparse fridge. nada. i tore through the cabinets for rotten potatoes. nuthin'. i inspected the washer and dryer for a dead anything. zilch. i tried to rip the dishwasher off/out of the wall to search behind it. i couldn't. but i KNEW i was getting close. i was obsessed. and that's when it happened...

i cautiously opened the oven. inside that oven was a turkey in a roasting pot. it had been hiding in there, taunting me, since easter. EASTER, PEOPLE! IT WAS AUGUST! did that trigger your gag-reflex? pardon me as i relive the experience.

i'll attempt to explain the emotional roller coaster i experienced during the 30 seconds following the turkey find. disgust, elation, giddiness, anger, disgust. we're talkin' maggots, mold, and i'm pretty sure i saw steam/smell vapors waft from the oven.

and just as my farmer had made the baby mice disappear, so did the turkey. i asked no questions, but the smell nearly immediately disappeared. and i was at peace with the single-wide once again.

here's the explanation: my farmer's mom had hosted quite a bit of family over the easter holiday. so she had cooked up two turkeys - one in her oven and one in my farmer's.

you may be wondering why my farmer never found the turkey/smelled the turkey/barfed because of the turkey. well, it was farm season. during farm season these men are lucky if they get a solid hour of sleep in one sitting. it's usually a catnap in a truck by a field or a fall on the floor two steps in the door sleep. they work their fingers to the bone. it's amazing. they also lose a lot of weight. this is because of stress and lack of time to eat; let alone cook a meal in an oven. alas, he never had time to find the turkey. plus, when there was a spare minute, he was driving to the big city to see moi!

and that's another story for the farm archives. no more smelly single-wide.

happy friday, folks!



3 comments on "farm archives: the mysterious smell"
  1. Love this blog..i swear I could smell something smelly while reading the blog..HaHa! ..Hope your Friday is wonderful!!<3

    ReplyDelete
  2. Now THAT...is disgusting! Thank God he found you!

    ReplyDelete

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